Will Christmas ever be the same again?
- Rach B
- Dec 23, 2021
- 2 min read
I joked with my oncologist that I was going to bake myself a little cake with a candle in and celebrate my year ‘cancerversary’ on Xmas Eve… but I thought to myself, people usually do this for a year survival thing, a year ‘cancer free’… I mean yes, I’ve survived (just 😂) but I’m still so far from being in remission or NED (no evidence of disease for those cancer lingo noobs), I don’t feel like I can celebrate it. Should I be proud that I’ve managed a year without going completely insane? Or should I be angry that I’m still having to deal with all this shit a year on? Who knows.
What I do know is a whole entire year of knowingly having cancer can honestly do some weird shit to your brain🤯. Is it a tumour or is it a large chunk of ear wax that’s stuck, and yes this actually happened to me a few weeks back ha, so gross. It turns you into the strongest person you never knew you could be, but it also makes you so very vulnerable to everything that you never thought you would be. Everyone always comments and writes such nice things about me like ‘you are so strong’, ‘you’re an inspiration’, I mean yeah preach, I am those things!… but if you’d have been in my head recently, you’d be like Jesus she’s got some issues 😂.
What I’ve come to realise is that Cancer comes into your life like a wave, sometimes it crashes down and shocks your entire system controlling the whole sea and sometimes it settles you and calms you and allows you to breath in the cool air and take a minute.
So since I’ve spent an entire year writing to you all about my deepest and truest feelings/confessions… I just wanted to thank you all for reading. Thank you for the kind words when I needed them the most and thank you for participating in the shittest journey with me ever 😂
I think 2022 will be my biggest challenge yet. If we don’t raise enough funding for this immunotherapy, then I’ll be starting chemo the end of Jan (if you see me, I’ll be the one who looks like a giant egg, bald and skinny 😂). So wish me luck.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers or pretend to be strong when I’m not, what I do know is that I couldn’t have got through this year without all my family and all of you. So from my little family to yours, Cheers and Merry Christmas my little Sarcoma hating fan group. I hope you all have a good one! 🥂
Mine can’t be much worse than last year 🤪
Rach x
Hello Rachel,I am so sorry for you and your family, I know exactly what your going through my daughter is going through the same thing 2 different cancers though to yours we are 2 years in and still going she also has a 2 year old its utterly heart breaking I pray you stay strong i would like to donate could you give me the information for that! My best wishes and love yo you and your family
Jackie
Hi Rachel, just seen your blog. Do you have a just giving page to raise funds for your treatment? I'd like to donate and if enough others do it could help pay for your immunotherapy.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. My little boy is two and I can't imagine what you must be going through as a mum. Please know that stories like yours make me more grateful for what we have, even though I complain a lot. It's nothing compared to what you are living through. You are an inspiration to people both with and without cancer. Good luck.
Hi I'm very touched by your story. Please could you try the traditional Chinese herbal treatment? It's looking at and treating the root reason of cancer other than to trying to remove the disease. This thousand years herbal treatment will be life saving. Cancer is not scary but the western meducal treatment will only make your health going downward. Take care
I looked like a muffin bald and rotund 🤣🤣🤣 I haven’t changed a bit oh except I have hair again 🤣🤣👍 Love your blog wish I could write like you you super talented 🌟🌟🌟