Scan-xiety

So, my 3 monthly check up scans are upon us and I’d be lying if I said my ‘scan-xiety’ hadn’t fully reared its ugly head. I have an MRI and a CT scan on the same day so ill be moving into Christie’s for the day most likely. The sleepless nights have started, the feeling of breathlessness, the constant aches and pains, oh and the wonderful upset stomach 🙃 (this is great when your bathroom toilet breaks and leaks through your ceiling and you can’t get a plumber out, you just can’t make it up can you 😂). It’s so hard to get your head around that no matter how much worrying you do, you cannot change the outcome and like my I said in my previous blog, worrying is such a waste of time... however it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve figured that if I expect the worse, I can be prepared for anything (however, this isn’t great for your positive mindset 😂). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all doom and gloom about it and part of me is like ‘what will be will be’ but there’s still that niggle inside that you just can’t budge.

‘Scan-xiety’ reverberates through my whole family. My husband, parents, siblings... they all feel the same worries as I do (which breaks my heart). I hate the thought of putting any of them through anymore pain than I already have, but this is my life now. I have to have scans every 12 weeks forever. I do hope they start to get easier and my mindset changes on the whole idea of them. They are essentially there to save my life and to keep me on track so why am I so worried about them?!?

‘Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through awful, and relax and exhale through the ordinary. That’s just living heart-breaking, amazing, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful’

Keep your fingers crossed for Tuesday lads. Let’s hope everything is behaving and I can relax for another 3 months and enjoy life! 🤞🏼🌟