Moon face with an expanding waist

Just a little update about my life for you all, not that half of you are probably that interested, you’re most likely here for the dark jokes, countless naughty swearing and something to read during Emmerdale…

So here we go, rollercoaster number 2 is in full swing. Last week I had my first dose of my new chemo. We’re going for a double attack of two drugs called ‘Gemcitabine & Docetaxel’. Both seen to have positive results for Sarcoma, so keeping every long limb crossed. My brother made the hilarious joke earlier saying that ‘Gem & Doxy’ sound like a shit crime fighting duo that our dad would watch on ITV4 and it made me spit my coffee out. Bravo Roberto, I actually found one of your jokes amusing for once ha! Anyway, it’s a bit of an intense regime, having treatment on day 1, day 8 and then having a week off and then starting all over again. I will be having my second dose this week. Hopefully, I’ll be able to have a little nap through it like last week. Made time go a little faster which was welcomed as its boring as shit just sat on a bed attached to an IV listening to beeping every 2 minutes… sorry Dad nothing against your company.

To be honest I’ve had little side effects (touch wood) from my first dose of the Gem. Fatigued, which to be honest, I am all the time anyway with having a little sleep thief named Indie in my bed every night. I’d like to say my sex life has taken a turn for the worst since my treatment started or because of my back/hip pain, or my very messed up period cycle… but no, it’s because Indie will not let David even breath near our bed, he sleeps in the spare room every night, to the point she now calls it ‘our bed’. Well done Mummy & Daddy, stayed strong with the whole ‘she’s never sleeping in our bed’ rule. Me and David now just fist pump on the landing in the eve and say ‘good luck, see you in the morning, pal’ before entering different rooms haha. Oh, what it’s like to adult.

Anyway, side effects… yes fatigue, a bit of an off tummy but nothing too bad. The main thing has been muscle aches, which I haven’t experienced before. I struggle to hold my arms up without ‘support’ and I find myself having to massage the tops of them as they feel very bruised and ‘precious’… but if that’s the worst I’m in for, then I will take it to be honest.

With all the change in drugs entering my body and attempting to gain control again of my increased pain (growing spinal tumours), my body has changed in shape so much. Very much appreciate the weight gain, I was reaching some dangerously low numbers on the scales from my lack of appetite, however after my steroid increase my cheeks do now resemble my hamster Coco’s from when I was 7 and I fed him playdoh and it went hard in his cheeks (brutal death, so sorry, RIP Coco). I have also had to shave my hair again. With new chemo, comes new hair loss and it had grown back so fluffy, so thick and so fast that I couldn’t be bothered with patchy itchy hair for the next month or so as it starts to clump out, so my mum for the second time (I’m sorry mum, its better than helping wipe my arse) braved the shave for me. I don’t mind it, although tempted to bleach it this time to channel my inner Slim Shady rather than Sinead O’Connor. Vibing a different era this time.

This was actually meant to be a short little blog to give you a quick update on my life, but like everything with my life, I love to make things longer and harder for myself (and as you’re now aware, this isn’t a bedroom related pun).

So yes, here’s to the next few months back on chemo. You snotty, germy people, please keep away from me as I’d quite like an easy ride with this one and no unintended hospital visits & if you see me out and about I’d rather you shout the nickname ‘Coco’ (RIP) than ‘BALD’ like my nephew.

ALSO WATCH THIS SPACE. 2023 is going to bring exciting things, one FINALLY being the start of our charity.

The Real Slim Shady x