It’s been a while!

My family have been telling me for ages that I need to write a blog.. I think it’s been a good month since I’ve written to you all.. but I just don’t feel inspired? I don’t feel like I have anything to talk about?…But at the same time, I have SO much to talk about. My life is a constant whirlwind that just never stops. So how can I feel so blank and feel like I have no want to write or no ‘flare’ to come up with anything ‘witty’ or profound. I have no clue why but I’ll give you some insight into my last couple weeks. Sorry if it’s boring. My shit brain is just not in it recently. To be honest, it’s not in anything but survival mode.

So, on the 15th Feb I started my treatment. The process was about two hours long on an IV drip. This that cost me just under £8000. The whole experience was bizarre. I was constantly waiting to feel something, either emotionally and physically and I just felt nothing. I was pretty happy sat in my own room sipping on a cup of tea, making conversation with the nurses and telling them about my diagnosis etc and chatting with my mum making plans.

The few days later I was just waiting to get side effects or feel any different, and any itch or scratch, I checked for rashes and I counted how many times I coughed or sneezed in the day to see whether it was enough to think I’d caught an infection… the list goes on and still now I’m doing this. However, I’ve been very lucky, the only things I’ve noticed is the intense fatigue and the slight swelling of some tumours, causing some extra pain (which is normal and hopefully means the treatment is working and targeting the right things!).

Although, I really shouldn’t complain, having little to no side effects…Fatigue is something that no one can truly understand until you go through it. It’s nothing like the tiredness you feel from a heavy weekend, or from the baby keeping you up at night. It feels like your whole body is stuck under water and something heavy is pushing it down. It’s the concept that your brain physically can’t think, it can’t take anything in and anything anyone asks you do, you just can’t even comprehend what they’re saying and any kind of sleep or rest you have, just doesn’t subside it… the energy just doesn’t return. Its like every ounce of life in your body is fighting to revitalise you and hang onto those good cells.

It’s something I’ll be living with for a while during and after treatment but I mean, let’s bring on the next round 💪🏻

Rach x