“Don’t underestimate a toe”

This is probably one of the weirdest blogs I will probably do, but feel like my brain just had a moment whilst trying to poo, so bare with..

As I’m hobbling into the kitchen, with pain in my hips, neck, shoulder and a lovely new pain in my lower back, I start absolutely howling at my hilarious self as I shouted to David in the living room that my new manifesto would be “don’t underestimate a toe”…

..No this isn’t some kind of creepy sexual thing, not into that sort of shit (no judgement here if you are though haha)… it was because I picked up a wrapper off the floor with my toes and again yes, this will be written on my grave stone as my one and only talent. Anyway haha, the reason I did this was for the fact, it fucking kills to bend down and use my hands like 95% of all other humans… but like what the fuck is my actual life that at 28 years old I actually can’t bend down to pick up my large areo mint bubble wrapper I just ate all to myself, I mean yes, it was a large wrapper so my toes aren’t one of the biggest talents in Chapel, however, it got me thinking about how fucked up this life truly is…

(told you bare with me haha)

If anyone has watched the new James Corden series ‘mammals’, it talks about his wife’s and his manifesto,

“Love is impossible. We must believe in the impossible. We must believe in magic”..

…it sat with me for a while, (yes whilst on the bog), life is all about believing in life itself and all of its amazingness. Yes, I am one of the lucky ones and yes I have met my love (and I’m forever grateful for you Mr C), and sometimes I think I am too lucky to have experienced such a feeling in my life…but then you have children and love does become ‘magic’, the impossible has happened and you feel a different kind of love, but just as strong, all over again but in a child. It’s honestly complete madness and truly is what they said in the programme ‘magic’…

…BUT, then why does life make you feel love so strongly and magically when LIFE itself is a horrible quite frankly shit thing… how can we see living life as this blessing and this magical thing, when a 28 year old with a husband and a 3 year old can get diagnosed with a disease that will make her feel as horrendously shit as I feel tonight. I can honestly say every bone in my body aches tonight. Like truly aches. To the point that touch feels like a knife slicing through bread (like a good tiger loaf, not a cheeky warbies). How can we all want to live as long as we possibly can when things such as how I’m feeling tonight happen to hundreds and millions of people all around the fucking world. It’s CRAZY, it’s shit, really really really SHIT.

HOWEVER, I do, I really do want to live as long as I possibly can. I want to carry on believing in the impossible, believing in the magic & believing in the wonderfulness of love and of life.

So I think I’ll change my manifesto to one I’ve said before… “FUCK YOU CANCER”..

Oh and I still want the toe quote on my grave stone.

Ciao,

Rach x