But you look so well?

Good morning, I hope everyone’s enjoying some nicer weather, my poor ginger skin is soaking in factor 50 already, seems like radiotherapy has made it even slightly more sensitive (if that was even possible), another plus to my cancer journey.. 😂.

My anxiety has really been rising these past couple weeks, I think it’s to do with us exiting lockdown and the thought of actually having to go out into the world now everyone knows I have cancer. I felt like I was ok with it all and I didn’t care about what people thought about me and wasn’t worried about any extra harm COVID could have on me, but turns out that isn’t the case.

It started when I took my daughter to the farm, I genuinely wore my mask outside for most of the day as the amount of people near me just threw me, I didn’t want to go near anyone! Then when I had to take her back to one of her classes, I asked my mum come with me because I was worried people may whisper about me or say something to me and I wouldn’t be prepared to answer their questions. I knew it wouldn’t happen but anxiety just got the better of me.

I was so excited to get back to some normality but then it kicked in that my life would actually never be normal again... I have a new ‘normal’ whether I want it or not and in actual fact we all need to now face a ‘new normal‘ don’t we.

The thing I’ve found most uncomfortable is whenever I have seen people over the past few weeks they’ve made comments like ‘you look so well’, ‘I hope you feel as good as you look’... I know they mean well but I’m like how am I meant to look? 🙄 Do you want me to walk round with no hair, pale, skinny and feeling sorry for myself because I have cancer? Did you know that 40% of people don’t actually lose their hair during cancer treatment. There is this massive stigma around cancer that you should be/feel extremely poorly and in actual fact, apart from a few rough weeks post treatment, I feel physically no different! (my mind on the other hand is screwed 😂)

Im sure I’m not the only one who’s struggling to get back to things and the feeling of everything opening up again is kind of scary?

I just wanted to say that it’s ok not to be ready for the world to go back to how it was and for everyone just to do what feels right for them. Sit in your little safe bubble that little bit longer and enjoy what you can, you have plenty of time to enjoy life whenever you are ready ❤️

Rach x