But without the dark, we would never see the stars’

When I first got diagnosed, yes I felt angry. I felt so so angry. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me? What I had done so bad in my life that I deserved this? That my daughter and my family deserved to go through this? Why something so rare?! I am good person. I very much lived by the mantra ‘everything happens for a reason’ but what the hell this reason was, I had no clue…

But after plenty of weeks not being able to move off my sofa, spending any moment alone without David or my family or go longer than an hour without crying, I didn’t feel anger anymore. I didn’t feel sadness, I felt as if I had to go through a grieving process to get where I needed to be. I had to grieve for my old life and the life I thought I was going to have… I had to grieve for the other son/daughter I longed to have that I no longer could, the brother or sister I know Indie would absolutely adore, I had to grieve for the idea of sitting by the beach in my 80’s watching my grandkids play in the sea (yes my brain is this odd 😂) and I had to grieve for ever living a normal simple life again. However, if I didn’t go through this ‘grieving’ process, I’d have never been able to move forward positively. It allowed me to evolve and grow and look forward to a ‘new’ life that I now faced.

I still have many many moments of darkness (of course I do, I’m still human) but I don’t let myself stay there, I have far too much to live for and now a time limit. I’m definitely not going to do it feeling anything but gratitude, love and fun!

The sooner you learn to live in the moment and not to worry too much about what the future will bring, the more present you will become and with that (hopefully) brings you some kind of sense of calm. If you are in a difficult place or struggling with any kind of diagnosis or anything in life, speak to someone and try find the light, it’s always there just sometimes hard to navigate.

https://www.thrivetalk.com/7-stages-of-grief/ - give this a read if you need more info about it x

Love Dr Phil (soz Rach)

x