As soon as you accept your mortality, the more pleasure you will get from life’

Evening Peeps,

I was in the car driving with David today and a question that has never left the depths of my brain just randomly popped out… ‘what do you think happens to you when you die?’ David would usually love a question like this and make up some ridiculous sarcastic remark and turn it into something childish about boobs or something similar… however his reply was ‘hopefully there is some kind of after life and I’d like to think you’d become an angel’. This absolutely melted my heart and got me thinking more and more about life in general and my thoughts from the past few weeks…

I honestly can’t say whether I even believe we go anywhere after we pass.. the whole thing used to absolutely terrify me.. When I was younger, I used to wake up in the night and have what I now know as panic attacks about the very thought of leaving the world and the concept of not knowing what comes next, as I am the biggest control freak and love having a plan (even for after I’ve gone, I know, I feel sorry for David too😂)… However, once mortality slap bang hits you in the face (like an incurable diagnosis), the whole thing just doesn’t even seem a big deal…

I’ve been reading a book call ‘Glittering a Turd’ (yes I know, best name ever) by a woman called Kris Hallenga, who I’ve followed on Insta for quite some time (look her up, she’s awesome and will give you complete life inspo)… and she made the most mad statement about how everyone who is alive needs to accept their mortality as we’re all going to go at some point and no diagnosis should change the way you feel about it. She goes on to explain how that’s why you should just love your everyday life and breath in that air that we are so fortunate to have (sorry for the completely morbid topic)…

…but it just changed my whole outlook on the concept of it all. Why was I so much more afraid now than I was before… I mean don’t get me wrong my life has completely changed, some bits for the better and some bits for the worse, but it is no mean more important or less than before my diagnosis… and yes when you’re shoved in a scanner for a while like I have been this week, you have a lot of time to process your thoughts 😂

I think what I’m trying to get at is that my new mate Kris has changed my opinions on how to approach life (again, I know, soz feel like I’ve had about 500 epiphany’s in the past year 😂). I no longer want a ‘life list’, I don’t want the pressure of having to complete anything in life. I want to enjoy the everyday pleasures that I love so very much… like Indie coming into my bed for a cuddle in the morning and her constantly asking ‘mummy can I watch your phone’ until I can peel my eyes open, watching my nephews and niece play with Indie and fight over every single toy they own shouting ‘mine’ over and over again, going for a cuppa at my grandmas and still being absolutely terrified of making a mark on her immaculate carpet… these and many more are the special memories and moments that I never want to forget.

Never feel pressure in life to finish anything, you do YOU and love those little things that happen everyday, as they are the things that you will be remembered for/remember.

(P.s, sorry for being a while since I last blogged, I got absolutely twatted with Gem and my mum last week and bloody’hell it’s been a long hangover 😂)

Rach x